In front a blazing fire in Breezehome: Lessons.

Today is the third anniversary of Rigmor crossing into Cyrodiil

I read last year’s entry for the second anniversary and am ashamed.

I am guilty of not putting trust in the strength of the love I know exists between Rigmor and I.

I sought help from Azura once and prayed to Mara another time.

Regular invitations to the Blue Palace by High Queen Elisif had kept me up to date on the political games in Cyrodiil.

This journal entry will be a summary of what I know at this time and why I am more relaxed about Rigmor.

This is the political status as I understand it:

• After Titus Mede II disappeared the Elder Council were reluctant to pronounce him dead.
• They placed an interim government in charge whilst discussing the next move.
• A Robber Baron, basically a rich bandit, attacked the Imperial City, killed some people and claimed the Ruby Throne by right of combat and/or conquest.
• He has adopted the title Emperor Ariel Sethius.
• His wife is Morag Sethius and is reportedly the one who makes most decisions at court.
• While a Robber Baron Sethius has accumulated a large bandit army.
• Sethius’ bandits are now designated “New Imperial Soldiers”.
• The ruling family and nobles in Leyawiin refused to acknowledge the new Emperor.
• Sethius had Leyawiin basically razed to the ground and those opposed to him and their families killed.
• Sethius placed an ex leader of his bandits as Count of Leyawiin.
• Countess Rigmor of Bruma proclaimed Bruma an Independent City.
• Sethius kicked out the remnant of the interim government and has refused entry to the Elder Council.
• Sethius booted the Thalmor out of Cyrodiil.
• The border between Cyrodiil and Skyrim has a new gate and guards.
• Special visitor visa are now required for entry to Cyrodiil.

That is all we know at the moment. Information is scarce.

High Queen Elisif says Rigmor’s move was wise. She is not openly hostile to the Emperor but can refuse to host Imperial troops, including the “New Imperials” and ensure only those loyal to Bruma are within her walls. She can also continue to trade with Skyrim on her terms, not the Empire’s. Sethius would not attack Bruma as he had Leyawiin as there is nothing illegal or hostile about Rigmor’s declaration.

Azura told me that Malesam is an excellent advisor. She also thought he was more likely part of The Divines plan than Boethia’s.

Azura thought the biggest danger to Rigmor was her royal blood. How many of Mede’s people knew? Revelation of her blood line would make her a legitimate claimant to the throne and therefore a potential danger to Sethius.

I have thought long and hard about what Titus Mede II used as an excuse to install Rigmor as Countess of Bruma. He did not have to mention her bloodline to anybody. Her father, Ragnar, was a decorated war hero that Mede failed to protect when the Thalmor made up stories and changed history. Guilt over his treatment may have been the reason he gave his advisors. Compensation for the death of her father and the years of captivity and torture.

Azura said Malesam has been telling people it was a gift for her work in defending Skyrim against the New Order. That is equally plausible.

A combination of the two would probably be enough to divert any suspicion.

I do not think Mede mentioned her bloodline as by all rights she had a better claim to the throne than he did. She certainly has more right to it than Sethius.

So I am comfortable that politically Rigmor is currently safe. In fact I have no information telling me she is in any danger from any source.

With the relaxing of my concern about her safety I started tackling my other worry. The love we shared.

I had prayed to Mara for information and advice. She was careful not to break the rules Akatosh has set. What she told me initially scared me and was the catalyst for my anger on the second anniversary of Rigmor’s border crossing.

I have not been running around doing Divine Tasks. I have had a lot of free time to do as I wish. I spent some time doing as Mara advised. Learn from the three Temple of Mara tasks I did.

Mara implied that history would help learn from the last task. We had helped the ghosts of past lovers meet again and continue their relationship for eternity in Sovngarde. The woman was called Ruki and the man Fenrig. I knew which campaign Fenrig died in and after extensive searching found his enlistment information. His name was Fenrig Kjaldson. He listed his wife and next of kin as Ruki Kjaldson ne Helmblog. She was also enlisted but as Ruki Maulhand ne Helmblog. Other records showed that Ruki was of the nobility and had married a nobleman by the name of Herdtus Maulhand. This is what I think the story is:

• Ruki Helmblog fell in love with a young soldier called Fenrig Kjaldson.
• Ruki married Herdtus Maulhand. Somebody of her social standing.
• After the marriage she met Fenrig again and realised their love was far more important than social expectations.
• She joined the army so as to hide from her husband and resume her affair with Fenrig.
• Ruki and Fenrig were never married despite the entry in his service record.
• Fenrig was killed in an ambush before getting to the site of the battle.
• The troops that did make it to the battlefield were slaughtered.
• Ruki heard of the massacre and came to search the corpses for her lover Fenrig.
• Ruki was killed when searching the corpses.

So what were the lessons Mara thought I would learn from them?

• Social expectations do not make true love disappear.
• People are willing to sacrifice a privileged life for true love.
• True love survives long periods of separation.
• Many in history have sacrificed being without their beloved when duty calls.
• True love can survive after death.

So basically if I get to Cyrodiil and find Rigmor has had to marry some noble then if our love is true she may decide to be with me instead.

What if she is in a relationship when I get there?

Once again if our love is true she may decide to be with me instead.

That is obvious but do I passively sit and wait for her to make a decision or push my case? Once again Mara’s tasks taught me an important lesson.

I recently attended the wedding of Fastred and Klimmek at Mara’s Temple in Riften. I promised them both a special wedding present and to be ready and wearing warm clothes and I would come and pick them up from their home in a week’s time.

Lydia, Meeko and I escorted them to the Throat of the World. Arngeir had stopped protesting about me bring visitors through after High Queen Elisif reminded him, in person as she was the first visitor I took there, that the Greybeards do not own the mountain.

Klimmek had been delivering food and other essentials to High Hrothgar for years and his father before that. He had been wondering what was inside and as I expected he was vastly disappointed when I walked him through it. However the Throat of the World made him cry as it has others whom I had taken to visit the highest place on Tamriel. Their homeland spread before them with its beauty and ruggedness was a sight the visitors would never forget.

We had set up some wind breaks and ample covering over the snow so we were fairly comfortable while we talked and enjoyed a beautiful lunch Lydia had prepared. As Lydia and Fastred wandered away for a while looking out from different vantage points Klimmek and I discussed the day I had come to help as Lady Mara had requested after Fastred had prayed to her.

Bassianus was the rival to Klimmek for Fastred’s affections. When I saw them chatting away in the tavern I thought Klimmek was unaware of that fact. I was wrong. Klimmek knew of him and Fastred but knew nothing about him. He had set out to learn what he could and determine if he was worthy of Fastred. Klimmek had decided he would not make up stories or belittle Bassianus to Fastred to try and win her back. That would be both unethical and likely turn Fastred against him. If he had proof that Bassianus would be bad for Fastred he was going to approach her parents with the information. Fastred would more likely listen to them than a love rival. After getting to know the man Klimmek had decided that he was honourable and would be a good husband to Fastred. He had resigned himself to losing her.

He had been unsure as to why Fastred affections had turned from him to Bassianus. It is when I urged him to tell her his true feelings he realised that he had not given her any commitment. He had not stated clearly that he loved her and wanted them to be together. The conversation I watched between Klimmek and Fastred was clumsy but beautiful. It had been what Fastred was waiting for.  She was not quite sure of her affections for Bassianus but knew at that moment she loved Klimmek dearly.

The important thing I learned was not to slander a love rival. To learn about them and be prepared to walk away if they are genuinely in love and they will be a happy couple.

That is a good philosophical idea but I do not know if I would have the self-control to do so. Thanks for the lesson Lady Mara but how often does that happen?

The other lesson taught was emphasised by Calcelmo’s predicament. He had prayed to Mara and when I went to help the problem was a common one. He was too afraid to tell the person he was interested in his feelings in case he was rejected. Klimmek was also guilty of not expressing his true feelings. I was guilty of the same and hid behind the excuse of possibly making my duty as Rigmor’s guardian untenable. On reflection I was afraid of rejection.

How many mortals miss the chance to be with their soul mate due to fear of rejection? A great many would be my guess.

I recently prayed and thanked Mara for her guidance.

I have seen examples of mortals giving up all to perform their assigned duties for their chosen Divine and not whining or whinging about them.

Knight-Paladin Gelebor’s duties to Auriel continue to this day. Since the time of The Return, when Ysgramor’s Five Hundred swept into Tamriel and started the slaughter of his race, he has looked after the Chantry of Auriel with little contact with the outside world.

Aranea Ienith lived in tents since the time she fled the eruption of the Red Mountain and came to Skyrim. Others who came with her and owed their life to Azura’s warnings stayed for a while and then moved away to live other lives. Aranea stayed true to her God and attended her Shrine near Winterhold for all that time. After I helped Azura for the second time she had expressed pity for Aranea who was finally able to pursue another life. Aranea is now a well-loved teacher at Dragons Keep and has flourished in her new role.

Fjotra was now the Sybil of Dibella for the rest of her life after we rescued her from some Forsworn.

All of those are admirable but my duties to The Divine as Dragonborn are not important to me simply because I worship my Gods. They are important to me as I am helping the mortals of Nirn. People know that, with help from friends, I saved them all from Alduin. They do not know about Malacath, Miraak, The Eye of Magnus, Vyrthur’s false prophecy and Auriel’s bow or The Skull of Corruption. If I had followed my heart and selfishly crossed the border to reunite with Rigmor after defeating Alduin immeasurable destruction and death and maybe even the end of Nirn would have been the price.

No matter how much I love and miss Rigmor, I would not have ever been able to cross that border! I have the free will of a mortal but I also have the conscience of one. I have a sense of duty to all those I see and those I do not.

Soldiers put aside their love for duty to their country all the time. Fenrig was one example of the countless who have done so. Why should I be any different? I have had to put aside my love whilst my duty to all mortals on Nirn demands it be so. It is only now I am becoming less stressed about what that may cost me.

I am surrounded by love. The children we have saved love me. My companions love me. My flea bitten mangy dog loves me.

I have many friends from humble fishermen like Klimmek to High Queen Elisif.

I enjoy the simple and abundant beauty of Nirn. Rigmor taught me how to recognise much of it when before her it was hidden to me.

I know how special the love between Rigmor and I is. I know we are meant to be together and will be once duty allows. I am no longer afraid that will not happen. I should never have been afraid it would not happen. I should have had more faith in my beloved Rigmor.

I am blessed.