Loredas, 12th Heartfire, 4E 202

Skyrim Wilderness, Froki’s shack: Tricked, Memories, Mad as hell, Very early start, Random wanderings, Surprise shrine, Answered prayer, Elusive skeever, More guardians, Tent and memories.

We taught each other.

How to kiss, where to kiss, when to kiss.

How to touch, where to touch, when to touch.

Giggles, laughter and shyness slowly turned to sighs, moans and boldness.

We explored and discovered and loved.

Rigmor’s doubts of her beauty erased by my desire.

When her soul and body told her she was ready, Rigmor guided me slowly.

Pain, a little, soon replaced by need and slowly we continued.

Then we were one.

Then we were everything.

No sound but our breathing, sighs, moans and loins.

No smell but our hair, breath, sweat and sex.

No taste but our lips, skin and tears.

No sensation but the giving and receiving of pleasure.

No guilt. No doubts. No regrets.

We shared our bodies, our souls and our love.

This was right.

This was beautiful.

Rigmor’s peaks were a celebration of womanhood.

Her final one coincided with mine.  

As our breathing and heartbeats subsided there was no need for words.

Rigmor turned on her side and I held her close.

We were soon in the depths of sleep untroubled by fear, fate or destiny.

I awoke just past midnight.

You bastards! You have kept me busy with a task so I would not remember.

Tonight, twelve months ago, Rigmor and I finally consummated the love that you admire but can’t control. Therefore you fear it. Like our free will it is an unknown. A variable you can’t always predict.

Months ago I figured out why I could sleep more than 20 days straight in uncomfortable chairs guarding my beloved and still feel refreshed. Yet my expensive beds since do not.

It was real sleep without the endless tug of timeline changing. I wiggle my toe, new timelines are created. Almost exact but still different than the timelines where I did not wiggle my toe. Infinite changes added to infinite changes.

Paarthurnax told me my Dovah blood would make me sensitive to it. When I am close to Rigmor that feeling goes. Rigmor also feels peace when we are close together and never anytime else. Maybe because of her Royal Blood she has some sensitivity too.

Maybe our moulded destinies are what we feel when apart. Our lives as designed by my Lord and cohorts. Fine-tuned by Daedric Princes.

Whatever the reason, a chair a few feet from Rigmor allowed more peace and therefore restful sleep than the most expensive bed away from her.

So I awoke, realised the significance of the date and cursed The Divine and their infinite games to keep me on their side.

Are they afraid I will leap onto my horse and head for the border? Do they think my oath to stay till they tell me I can go to her is not strong enough? Is there distrust caused by something that happened before they blanked my memory?

Dragonborn turn! Miraak is but one example. A person like him would have accepted Malacath’s offer without hesitation. He sided with Hermaeus Mora for far less. Perhaps that is not proof of my fidelity to them. Perhaps it is proof of how much Rigmor means to me.

This Divine task is not crucial but it is time consuming and did distract me enough for a while. I am happy to do it if Kynareth deems it important enough to involve me. They could have picked any date to start it. Picking the date they did is not going to endear them to me. It has done quite the opposite.

Now I am awake I realised something else. I should undertake the rest of Kyne’s trial solo. Although my companions did not help with killing the guardians there is a risk they could. I do not think you can try this trial more than once.

So at about 12:45AM I found myself aboard Blaze for the first time in months. I was feeling reckless. Let people know the Dragonborn is approaching. I know where I have to go for the last guardian. I will go via wilderness I have yet to travel. See parts of Skyrim new to me.

I was risking my neck riding Blaze down almost sheer drops. I was pushing Blaze to his limits. I had not ridden this fast or reckless since the time I gathered my allies to board a ship to rescue Rigmor from sacrifice. That was just over 12 months ago.

I was heading in the general direction of the last guardian but it was very random in choice of trails to follow, hills to climb or descend, where to cross rivers and streams. Then I saw a shrine to Kynareth come into view.

Why would they build a shrine to any of The Divine in such a remote, dangerous and difficult to get to location?

There were offerings surrounding the shrine so obviously people came here. I knelt in front of it and prayed to Kynareth. I had experienced it before but still, when a Divine speaks to you it can be startling,

“Be at ease our Champion. Her thoughts are about you as well. Take comfort in that. Is it not better to be active than static and pining for that which is not possible?”

It was a woman’s voice so probably the owner of the shrine. Of course Kynareth was right but still, manipulation will never feel comfortable to me.

I mounted Blaze and continued on my reckless way.

I was riding past a village called Stone Hills when a young Imperial Captain ran up to me. She said a Stormcloak turncoat had warned them about a very large Stormcloak force gathering nearby. They were going to attack the village and destroy it and anybody who gets in their way. I got the Captain to mark where she thinks the Stormcloak camp was. I ordered her and her men to form a ring around the town so an attack from any direction can be countered. As she was organising that I headed for rebels.

I walked into the camp without trying to hide. Their commander came out to parley,

“It is the lapdog of the Thalmor. Come to spread more lies Dragonborn?”

You look like a Redguard. I thought your people had more sense than to follow Nord morons to certain and useless death?

“My father was a Redguard. My mother met him when travelling with Ragnar when he entered Hammerfell to kill more elves.”

(By this time his men were ringing me with weapons drawn. The beast was begging to be unleashed.)

You dare use the name of Ragnar in such a lie. Where were you when the Sons of Talos marched and fought by my side? They told me what I already knew. That was not Ragnar’s motive.

“Why should any of us believe you? Who says he is a Champion of The Divines yet supports an Empire then denies Talos!”

I made sure the transcript of everything said between me and that traitor Ulfric was recorded and published. Over 95% of men marching under Ulfric’s banner have recognised the truth and given up that unjust cause. I am giving you that chance. You think you can stand up to me? My Thu’um will reduce you to ash. I can call dragons from the sky to burn the flesh from your bones and rend you limb from limb. Make your choice. I grow tired of talking.

They attacked. I let my inner beast loose. It was not pretty. He laughed as he sliced and diced. I was a blur. Men were tossed many feet to smash against wagons and trees. Others were decapitated or cleaved almost in two by “The Sword” that was forged during the Warp in the West. Their screams were music and their deaths poetry.

Their corpses were many but not enough to take on the garrison of the village. Then I heard an Imperial horn followed by the Battle horn of the Stormcloaks. This was not the main force!

I leapt on Blaze and road as fast as I could.

The Stormcloaks had broken through the Imperial defensive ring. They were amongst the miners who were sleeping outside in a circle of tents. Civilian and soldier alike were trying to survive the onslaught of Stormcloaks in no mood for mercy.

The beast had a second outing that night and I was dimly aware of the horror on faces. I was not a Nord hero. I was an animal killing other animals with all the ferocity of nature at my disposal.

When the last one fell screaming for mercy I wiped my bloody blade on his cloak and sheathed it.

I looked around at the bodies of Imperial soldiers, normal citizens and Stormcloaks.

The young captain who had warned me about the possible ambush was dead next to the corpse of a young child. A woman came running up to cradle the dead child. Several Stormcloaks were nearby where they fell to the Captain’s blade.

I healed a couple of people then mounted Blaze and road away. Anybody who remains a Stormcloak will soon know terror and death. I will find every last one of their hidey holes and eliminate them. I now longer have the desire to offer them a chance.

I found a cave protected by many skeever. This is where the last guardian is supposed to be.

I entered and saw a brief blue flash of a very large skeever exiting from the other end of the cavern.

Opposing me was nothing but trolls.  I killed them and exited where the skeever had gone.

I followed a trail a little while but there were no footprints indicating the king of all skeever had come this way. Heading back to a nearby camp was a young woman. I asked if she had seen the skeever. She was almost speechless describing how it came out of nowhere and scared her half to death. She indicated which way it went. I summoned Blaze and went in the indicated direction.

An Imperial patrol and several travelling merchants told me the skeever had made no attempt to hide itself and just ran past along the main road without pausing.

Finally a hunter came running and asked if I was looking for the “fucking huge blue skeever thingy”. I said yes and he told me it was in a small ruin not far in the direction he was pointing.

I headed that way and found its lair. I drew “The Sword” entered and was soon confronted by the angry guardian.

I cut it down and as usual some blue goo was left behind.

I mounted Blaze and rode as fast as he could go towards Froki’s shack.

I got there without incident and unsummoned Blaze so Froki would not see him and guess who I was.

Hard and dangerous riding got me to the shack door at about 3:45PM.

Froki did not even bother standing to talk to this wet behind the ears city boy!

I’ve defeated the guardians.

“Maybe you’re not so soft after all. Now you’re ready for a real challenge. I’ll anoint you with the symbol of the Bear, the Sabre and the Mammoth. Tread carefully, these are mighty beasts. Return when they are defeated.”

He marked where they are on my map. I hope they stay in place this time. I am not in the mood for chasing blue beasties across Skyrim. I left without another word.

First guardian was the bear. I charged him aboard blaze and dispatched him easily.

Another pile of blue goo was the result.

I made a decision. I was a bit tired of this hunt for the day so headed to where the camp was that glorious night my beloved and I exchanged souls.

I looked up the stars and aurora and remembered our conversation.

“Yanno, I love it out in the open. Since I arrived in Skyrim I’ve gotten quite used to it.”

So you would rather sleep out here than in a cozy inn?

“Every time.”

Just as well seeing as we just got thrown out of one.


It’s dangerous out here in the open, you should protect yourself.

“I know you’re not happy with how I have changed but it’s what I want. Anyway, I got you right? My Guardian Angel.”  

What if something happened to me like before. Last time we got lucky.

“What will be will be. If I was to die tomorrow, I would at least die happy. I mean, look at those beautiful stars.”

(Rigmor had then sat near the tent and look at the moons.)

“What do you think they’re made of? Do you think people live on the moons?”

I thought the moons were made from cheese.

“Hahaha! Come on, you don’t believe that do you?”

It’s true!

“You’re kidding right?”

That laugh! The first time I heard it we were in the tavern in Windhelm. My heart and soul was hers from that moment on. To experience what Rigmor had and still be able to laugh was a confirmation of all the good things on this planet.

I pitched a tent and crawled inside.

I wrote this journal entry via mage light.

I know not what time I fell asleep.

I know it was with a yearning that was slowly eating my resolve and was creating a rift between me and my Lord.

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